It was a week ago today that I had to surrender my two rabbits, Emilo and Sarah, to the local animal shelter facility in my town. It was immensely difficult on me that day, but as the day came to a close and I went about my day the next morning on Saturday, I thought I'd get better. I though I could slowly start to move on with my life, and to not feel like a big of a failure of a pet rabbit owner.
During the lead-up to the surrender, I found myself listening to two different songs more so than others on my mp3 player. One of them was "Apologize" by One Republic and Timbaland. Part of it was regarding my ex-Susan and her apparent attempt of trying to reconnect with me. After what she did to me and the position she left me in... why would I want anything to do with her now? I gave her a chance....and several more changes...and she didn't take it. So if she feels like she misses me now and feels guilty about what she did (which I hope she does), its too late to apologize. But I also felt like listening to the song because it was also reminding me of my rabbits. I felt like apologizing to them about things getting to this point where we have to part our ways, but.... what good is it to apologize when things aren't going to magically change at the last minute. There wasn't any point in me apologizing to the rabbits.
The other song I found myself listening to was "Umbrella" by Rihanna. The lyrics of the song just really hit hard to me. Trying to be an umbrella to my pets in providing them shelter and support...... The line about where she sings how it's "raining" now which I relate to me trying to be an umbrella but being unable to stop the rain. If you haven't heard the song, go do as its a good tune.
Anytime either of these songs came up on my mp3 player I tended to slow down or stop what I was doing and it made me begin to reflect on my life. Where I had come to in order to be letting my rabbits go and how hard it was on me emotionally.
Two days later, this past Sunday, I was arranged to go with my mom and stepdad to a post-Church service Thanksgiving-like dinner at the church. Because I was needing to catch up on my sleep, I let my mom know that I would not be going to the church service earlier in the day with them but I could make it into the dinner. Which she was cool with.
So that morning I got showered and dressed up. Mom said service would last until about 11:30 and the dinner lunch was to be right afterward. So I planned to get up there at just about 11:30. On the way up there in my car, guess what song comes on the radio as I am getting into my car to leave my place?
"Apologize" by One Republic and Timbaland. It nearly set me off hearing that song. Knowing that I was going somewhere I would have to be and couldn't be wearing my emotions on my sleeve, so to speak, I attempted to hold it together the best I could.
The dinner lunch itself was all right. Turkey was good, mashed potatoes were good, and so forth. It's not always my thing to go to church, in particular as this church is predominantly old and elderly people. Not, not just people who are like 10-20 years older than me (haha, that makes them old right?), but we're talking about little old men and women in their 70s and 80s and 90s. It was nice though to see my mom and stepdad and my sister and her husband and my two little nieces where there. It was all nice and ok. Mom asked me about the critters and if I had found a home for the rabbits yet. So I had to suck it up and talk to her briefly about how I was unable to, and had in fact on Friday dropped them off at the shelter. I think she could tell it was hard on me. After eating people were sitting around and having "fellowship". I waited around until my comfortable moment to make my exit. When mom looked like she was going to be talking to this guy sitting next to her for a while, I took that time to get stood up, and waited for a chance to thank her for the meal and that I was heading out then. Got to the coat rack, got my coat, and headed out. Got to my car, got in and started the car and was preparing to head back home where football was waiting for me as the afternoon 1pm games had already begun by then. I turned the car on, and the radio began playing.
One guess what song was immediately playing on the radio....
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